If you’ve ever noticed that all of the sudden you start to miss important deadlines, find yourself procrastinating on key things, or out of the blue you say something REALLY DUMB at a big meeting, BEWARE. It could be a fear of success trying to sneak in through the back door and it’s causing you to sabotage yourself.
At first glance, this sounds ridiculous.
Who would be afraid of success? Isn’t that what we all want?
Fear manifests itself in a million different ways. For some, it shows up as a fear of success.
When we take little steps every day, they quickly add up to be big leaps forward. As we see these changes happening, we realize that our dream business, our big vision, is really possible. Suddenly, we start to imagine that “success” will be a lot more complicated than “failure”.
And that can be scary.
What are some examples of a fear of success? (Great question. I’m so glad that you asked.)
For women, a fear of success often finds its roots in the belief that being powerful will lead to loneliness. Our Inner Critic tries to convince us that our spouse will feel threatened and leave us or that this new success will lead to frequent travel and take us away from the ones we love.
And, once a new level of success has been achieved, expectations increase. We place some hefty pressure on ourselves, as entrepreneurs, to maintain and then to continue growing. Plus, once this new level is reached, will everyone else expect us to keep it up?
Maybe you think that if you succeed it’ll be discovered that you really aren’t that good. You are a fraud. And you don’t know your stuff.
My creative clients often uncover that they have an underlying fear of selling out. If they become successful, make a lot of money and are recognized as a leader, will their friends still like them? Will they be seen as a “sell out”? Or, worse yet, will they become someone else entirely?
And then, this is a biggie. CHANGE. No one likes change. Maybe you would be better off to stay in your comfort zone. At least it’s a known evil.
What are some ways to overcome this fear?
First off, breathe. Feel the fear in your chest, your arms, your back or wherever it shows up for you. Feel it and acknowledge it. In some cases, simply saying, “I’m nervous to be speaking in front of 10,000 people today. That’s actually quite a reasonable feeling for what I’m doing.” (Deep breath.) “Ok, how do I help myself to relax?”
Write down your fear. Put it in plain sight and see what you think. Let your rational mind dissect whether the fear is real and decide on the likelihood that it will occur (if it’s legitimate).
Realize that you are doing some really amazing things. Look at what you’ve accomplished. Look where you want to go. You CAN do it and you get to CHOOSE how you show up once you get there. The biggest part of dealing with our fears is realizing that we are in control of our thoughts. The Inner Critic speaks more loudly when we are getting out of our comfort zone so … it’s actually a good thing that you are noticing him more often.
If you worry that you’ll “sell out,” make a list of things that you could do to put yourself in that category. Don’t do those things.
When you notice your mind chatter around why you “can’t” do something, switch the verbiage around to reflect that you “won’t” or “will not” or “choose not to.” This reminds you of your responsibility for placing the limitation in front of yourself.
Realize that throughout life, people change. As you become more, it’s just that: you become more. Your “old self” isn’t being switched out for a “new self.” You are adding to the “old self” and some people will like that and some won’t. The few people who don’t like the upgraded version of yourself aren’t meant to be in your life, anyway. Learn to be OK with that.
Take Action Now: Focus your awareness on your thoughts throughout the day. Write down what your Inner Critic says and what you are doing when he shows up. At the end of the week, look at the list and see what is real and what isn’t. You’ll be amazed.
Please share! When did you realize that you were experiencing a fear of success? What did you do?
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Your point about change really hit me! I love it! You’re right: we do change and what was once inconceivable is now commonplace. Of course, we’re goig to grow and change and success is part of that. Thanks, Krista!
Sure, Cara! Thank you for your comments!
Krista, it never ceases to amaze me how in sync we are!!! This is a fantastic article. I am actually in the process of writing an Ebook on this subject because I feel it so little talked about and so often the case especially for women. Maybe you can be a contributor :D! I personally am afflicted with this nasty disease FOS! I know when I blow up it is gonna be big and kinda scary. My main malfunction is leaving others behind. Which is DUH so wrong because I know the person I am would never let that happen. Anyway, Thanks for sharing this!!!
Ariana, great minds think alike! 🙂 I cannot wait to read your ebook and thank you sharing your FOS!
Krista – you caught me when I needed this. I know I have a fear of success and I didn’t realize it. Thanks babe! xo
Of course, Melissa! Glad to help 🙂
I feel myself and my business expanding and I’m definitely faced with this fear right now! I’m going to take your action step this week!!!
Yay, Elyse! (And congratulations on noticing the growth of your business…!!)
Great thing to point out! When I started my website, I remember thinking… “Okay, if I actually start this instead of just thinking about it, there is a possibility of failure and that sucks!” Of course the possibility of success is not offered without the possibility of failure… and that is a helpful thing to remember too 🙂
Jamie…you are right! The fear of success seems to be the most sneaky one, in my opinion! Thanks for your comment.
Interesting article. You hear talk of ‘fear of success’ all over and yet so rarely anything about what they symptoms are because it can actually be quite hard at times to realise that this is what’s going on or know whether it actually is that or not.
Caroline, I completely agree. In my opinion, this is one of the most difficult fears to recognize and then to take action on.
Fear is a funny thing. Fear of success sounds so strange, but it is real. Putting yourself out there adds a whole new dynamic to your life. We see ourselves as we are now and we wonder if we can meet the expectations that come with success. But taking things one step at a time and just doing what we need to to move forward should make it a little easier — hopefully! 🙂
Carol, yes, I completely agree. It doesn’t have to be a big step, but as long as it’s a step, we’re on our way! 🙂 Thank you for your comment.
Krista!
This is so awesome and so timely. I’m at a point where I feel like I’m facing up to this – plus have deadlines that I’m reluctant to meet and couldn’t figure out why. I think I just did!
Thanks so much, great post. Going to come back and back to this one, I think!
Marsha, thank you! I’m glad this resonated with you. It’s crazy how fear can take on so many different shapes. Glad to hear you are on a road to success…
“Maybe you think that if you succeed it’ll be discovered that you really aren’t that good. You are a fraud. And you don’t know your stuff.”
Oh Krista, how that speaks to me LOUD and CLEAR! It’s something I continue to work through (but I guess that’s a great sign that my business continues to grow).
Caylie, yes, it’s great that your business continues to grow…and the fact that you recognize this fear for what it is will really help you to better navigate through it when you bump up against it in the future! Thanks for your comment.
Aaaah…the big *F* word. I had recently did a post about this – fear could really get the best of us, and it DOES appear when we step out of our comfort zone. It’s part of growth, no doubt. I really resonated when you said, “Suddenly, we start to imagine that “success” will be a lot more complicated than “failure”. So true…because, that is when the hard work begins!!
Desiree, thank you! It’s almost like when you walk towards the fear, instead of away it, that’s when you really start to make the big moves forward.
I never used to think I had fear of success (denial!) because I’ve always been this goal-oriented, driven type. Ha, ha, ha. You know, these days I get these mini moments of panic at least once a week and often times it’s around actually achieving the success I’m working toward. Acknowledging it does help. Once I realize it’s nerves, not fact, I can move one. Thanks for tackling this topic Krista.
Thanks Gayle! You are so right…I have gone through the same thought process…thinking, “wow, I never suffered from this thing I hear about…called a ‘fear of success’…” and then I realized that it was staring me straight in the face. 🙂 Moving forward is a good thing AND a scary thing. Ha! Oh, the adventures of entrepreneurship.
Its so easy to suppress acknowledging the fears we have. I completely agree that writing them down makes them far less scary! Not to mention giving you something to work with outside of your head.
Sherry, thank you for your comment. Yes, I love how you said it “giving you something to work with OUTSIDE of your head.” So true!
I love this post and can so relate! It reminds me of Gay Hendrick’s book on upper limits. Today, thanks to Erika Lyemark’s Whipathon, I created an alter ego that is my Sassy Sophia to help remind me to stretch, and stay in my body, and my voice. And just keep plugging at my 3 foot tosses.
Claire, thank you for your post. I love Gay Hendrick’s books. Erika is awesome and I can’t wait to hear more about Sassy Sophia 🙂
Great post Krista, I can definitely identify with the symptoms and suffering from this lately – all sorts of self-sabotage going on!
The line that really resonated with me is: “Suddenly, we start to imagine that “success” will be a lot more complicated than “failure”. Exactly! Even though it’s not a conscious thought, that’s what is going on. That, and “I’ll be found out!”
Thanks for sharing – I shall return to reread as needed!
Julie, you rock. The more we grow…the more self development we do…and then our business grows…and then we go through another level of change and growth. It’s a never ending cycle! 🙂 Thank you for your comments.
Solid tips, Krista. Especially the one about imagining the pressure of having to keep up. So true. staying in the same situation can feel more comfortable, simply because we’re familiar with it. Great perspective!
Krista, i always find that when I’m feeling low or something happens that I didn’t want I usually turn to investigating my thoughts. We can tell ourselves anything, but it’s only by becoming aware of what we’re really thinking that we can become aware of the truth of what we’re feeding our minds. And here lies the power to change it. So glad you brought this up.
Krista,
This post really resonated for me. As a semi-recovering perfectionist, I have had a long relationship with fear. I agree with your strategy to confront that inner critic head on. Thank you for providing action steps to help many of us get out of our own way.
DUDE!
This is hovering at my door RIGHT NOW!
Loads of helpful ideas for things to think about and do, thank you so much! I have a feeling this is one I’ll come back and back to.
Great post, Krista, and sooooooooooo true. It’s so easy to let fear hold us back from achieving our dreams in life. As a Personal Fitness Trainer I help my clients tackle this issue. Writing down your fears, putting them out there, makes a huge difference. Thanks so much for sharing this, Krista. Your advice always rocks!