When white-knuckling it isn’t working, please know there are other options.

Better options.

Fun options.

Expansive options.

Options filled with ease and grace.

A limitless amount of possibilities are available to you every single day. There’s a kicker, though: you have to be willing to see them.

When I say “white knuckling it,” I’m referring to that feeling of holding on so tightly to the steering wheel, trying so desperately to control each piece of the puzzle, that your knuckles literally turn white. It’s the false belief that if you hold on tight enough, you can be in control.

What it looks like

When I was working in my sales job and building my coaching business at the same time, I thought if I just worked a little harder, tried a few more times, that I’d be able to get any square peg into a round hole.

I remember one day, when my exhaustion coupled with the feeling that I was doing so much and getting so little in the form of results from my business, I shared something big with a friend over lunch. I didn’t even realize it to be true until the words crossed my lips: I needed to break up with Mark.

And yes, you can imagine her surprise, because my husbands name is Dennis.

As she looked at me, fork in the air, ready to poke me, I continued, “My business…you know, MAKE your Mark.”

Her fork dropped back to the normal position as I continued to share how everything just felt so heavy and so hard.

I was tired.

And I wasn’t sure things could ever really be like I envisioned them to be.

I came clean with my husband that night, too. I shared that Mark and I were going to take a break and I wasn’t sure if we’d get back together or if we were better off going our separate ways.

I really wasn’t sure about much, and it felt scary.

I tried really hard to force clarity. It didn’t work.

Then, still exhausted, I released all expectation of coming to a clear conclusion any time soon.

Creating space for the expansion

What I tried next was unfamiliar and welcome at the same time: I allowed myself to be gentle and kind to myself.

I gave myself permission to just “be.”

I allowed myself to wonder…without desiring an answer.

I allowed myself to not know.


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There’s no need to force a round peg into a square hole. Ever.  


And, for the first time in a long time, I reconnected with the importance of trusting my process.

As you can probably guess, Mark and I created new boundaries and redefined what success looked like.

I learned that there’s no need to force a round peg into a square hole. Ever.

Once I loosened my grip on the steering wheel, I noticed that things started working out in even better and more exciting ways than I could’ve imagined.

Imagine that…

A beautiful part of growing through our challenges is that often the lessons we’re gifted with are the exact ones we need to be able to serve our clients at the highest level.

As a coach, I love powerful questions…so that’s what I’m leaving you with today.

When you notice that you’re white knuckling it and it’s time to relinquish control, ask yourself these questions:

1. What old stories are showing up, and asking to be healed?

2. What lessons are here for me to expand into?

3. What part of who I am, as a person, is asking to be honored and loved?

Ask those questions of yourself, without a need for an answer, and you’ll be gifted with renewed energy, clarity, and focus. It may not show up for you instantly. It may not even show up that week.

It will show up when you’re willing to see another way.


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